Free at last!.

MEEEI have been going through a confusing period with my writing recently. I have a few unfinished blogs that I keep going back to but not really getting much further along with. I keep questioning what I am writing, should I even be writing about it?, should I say that?, changing things around, taking bits out, putting bits in, my heart isn’t fully commited to what I am writing and that is most unusual for me, but then all of a sudden, it struck me, it became obvious. I am entering into the next phase and what has gone before is no longer relevant because without realising, I’ve won! I’ve made it through to the next round.

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Lets talk about suicide.

daffaEverytime someone in the public eye passes tragically from suicide. It starts to become the hot topic on social media and in the press for a few weeks. Everyone starts to talk more about how we need to try harder to reduce the stigma around mental health issues and suicide, and then as quickly as conversation comes, it goes away again. The important question is,  does the temporary heightened awareness and outpouring of grief that we share with strangers on social media, about people we have more than likely never met make us feel more comfortable talking about suicide and mental health issues in the longer term amongst our family and friends?. Does it help to significantly reduce the stigma surrounding suicide?,  In my opinion and more importantly, my experience. No it does not.Read More »

Whats the damage?

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Having the luxury of being able to get off the hamster wheel lately and spend some time to let my mind relax and reflect in peace. My thought pattern I am pleased to say has started to swing in the right direction and a lot of my thoughts have been positive around how I am going to achieve my goals, what direction I should now being going in, and rather than looking back, and going back to a career I know I can make money in but will ultimately make me utterly miserable, I am taking this opportunity to embark on a change of direction.

Trying to start again at 42 years old and venture into an area that I have no experience or qualifications in isn’t going to be easy but at this point I have nothing to lose so I figure it’s the perfect time to try. I also need to eradicate some of the regrets I have about the personal choices that I have made over the years which have ended with me being in the situation I am in now.  If I had kept control of my own life rather than giving over that control to someone else, I would have never ended up in the position I find myself in now and there has to be some lessons in that. I don’t want to live my life with any regrets and up-until three years ago I didn’t have any. I now have many, and one of my main aims is to turn this situation around in to such a life changing positive that the regrets I have are drowned by my success and I now feel more than ever , determined to make that happen.

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Alone in the Ring.

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Alone in the ring.

This is how it feels a lot of the time when you are battling mental illness, alone and constantly fighting. Constantly fighting, but no one has come to watch, they probably haven’t even noticed you are fighting. Lets face it you may not have even told anyone the fight was on!, but you have to get up each day and do it anyway.

Every day you wake up wondering if tomorrow will be the day you give up. The next punch that knocks you off your feet, will you have enough in the tank to get you back up again?, or will that be the day you just stay down. Defeated by the demons in your own head.

It is exhausting, It is suffocating. It is debilitating, and then someone says to you “Just go and do some excercise…it will make you feel better” and as much as it makes you want to swing a right hook in their direction for showing their obvious ignorance to the pain you are in, and as annoyingly irritating it may be to hear, they are right.  It absolutely will.Read More »

Happy Anniversary to Me!

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I had no plans to write this post until I realised that it has recently been my 8 month anniversary, it has been 8 months since my life was turned upside down, and through no choice of my own I was forced to leave, more or less overnight, and with pretty much nothing.

Actually , why am I still dressing it up?.

I was aggressively forced out of my home and left with nothing and nowhere to go , no time to find a place to stay and therefore no chance of keeping my job. I was denied the opportunity to regain any level of independence or ability to maintain any level of lifestyle for myself.  This wasn’t a stranger that did this to me, this was someone who I loved and trusted, someone who I thought I was building a life with.Read More »

When life gives you Lemons

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……its ok to feel like you want to throw them at someone ….

The usual ending to this as we all know is ‘make lemonade’, I looked up the phrase out of curiosity and courtesy of our friends at Wikipedia is said to be this…

“When life gives you lemons, make lemonade” is a proverbial phrase, used to encourage optimism and a positive can-do attitude in the face of adversity or misfortune. Lemons suggest sourness or difficulty in life, just like lemonade.

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My Yoga Journey

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Finding Yoga 

I have dipped in and out of Yoga for a few years now,  I have always exercised it is just part of who I am.  I started off in my early 20’s with aerobics and then started playing around with weights, and in more recent years found Crossfit, wherever I have moved, sizing up the local gym and what that has to offer is second to looking at the place where I am going to live.Read More »

Social Media – A healthy relationship.

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The wonderfuI world of Social Media!!.

I recently reviewed my own relationship with social media by having a bit of a ‘detox’ for a few days.  At first it was a little tricky , I would find myself with my phone in my hand looking at the first page of Instagram before I had even realised what I was doing.  This soon went after a couple of days and whilst I did miss my daily dose of Donald Trumps tweets!!, I didn’t feel like I had lost an arm or was hugely missing out on anything!. A couple of years ago I successfully managed to come off Facebook with hardly blinking an eye, so I kind of knew it wasn’t going to be a huge problem for me.Read More »