Free at last!.

MEEEI have been going through a confusing period with my writing recently. I have a few unfinished blogs that I keep going back to but not really getting much further along with. I keep questioning what I am writing, should I even be writing about it?, should I say that?, changing things around, taking bits out, putting bits in, my heart isn’t fully commited to what I am writing and that is most unusual for me, but then all of a sudden, it struck me, it became obvious. I am entering into the next phase and what has gone before is no longer relevant because without realising, I’ve won! I’ve made it through to the next round.

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Lets talk about suicide.

daffaEverytime someone in the public eye passes tragically from suicide. It starts to become the hot topic on social media and in the press for a few weeks. Everyone starts to talk more about how we need to try harder to reduce the stigma around mental health issues and suicide, and then as quickly as conversation comes, it goes away again. The important question is,  does the temporary heightened awareness and outpouring of grief that we share with strangers on social media, about people we have more than likely never met make us feel more comfortable talking about suicide and mental health issues in the longer term amongst our family and friends?. Does it help to significantly reduce the stigma surrounding suicide?,  In my opinion and more importantly, my experience. No it does not.Read More »

Whats the damage?

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Having the luxury of being able to get off the hamster wheel lately and spend some time to let my mind relax and reflect in peace. My thought pattern I am pleased to say has started to swing in the right direction and a lot of my thoughts have been positive around how I am going to achieve my goals, what direction I should now being going in, and rather than looking back, and going back to a career I know I can make money in but will ultimately make me utterly miserable, I am taking this opportunity to embark on a change of direction.

Trying to start again at 42 years old and venture into an area that I have no experience or qualifications in isn’t going to be easy but at this point I have nothing to lose so I figure it’s the perfect time to try. I also need to eradicate some of the regrets I have about the personal choices that I have made over the years which have ended with me being in the situation I am in now.  If I had kept control of my own life rather than giving over that control to someone else, I would have never ended up in the position I find myself in now and there has to be some lessons in that. I don’t want to live my life with any regrets and up-until three years ago I didn’t have any. I now have many, and one of my main aims is to turn this situation around in to such a life changing positive that the regrets I have are drowned by my success and I now feel more than ever , determined to make that happen.

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I told no one.

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As you may know if you follow my blog. I am working through some things at the moment. I say working through some things what I mean is I am coming to terms with dealing with my depression. I detail this in my last blog post if you would like to have a read. Then you might like to read this, this post is something a little different to anything I have written before.Read More »

Truth

The-truth-is-rarely-pure-and-never-simple.

I have been thinking a lot lately about truth. As human beings we seem to at some point or another in our lives be on a quest for the truth,  and most of us at some point will be faced with the choice of believing someone or not, or maybe we will find ourselves on the other side of the coin where we are in a situation where we have to decide, do we tell the truth? or would it be better to lie?, and if it would be better, better for who?.Read More »

Happy Anniversary to Me!

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I had no plans to write this post until I realised that it has recently been my 8 month anniversary, it has been 8 months since my life was turned upside down, and through no choice of my own I was forced to leave, more or less overnight, and with pretty much nothing.

Actually , why am I still dressing it up?.

I was aggressively forced out of my home and left with nothing and nowhere to go , no time to find a place to stay and therefore no chance of keeping my job. I was denied the opportunity to regain any level of independence or ability to maintain any level of lifestyle for myself.  This wasn’t a stranger that did this to me, this was someone who I loved and trusted, someone who I thought I was building a life with.Read More »